Saturday, April 22, 2006
Iâ€™m feeling grumpy today. Itâ€™s not fun to work when youâ€™re feeling a bit under the weather. Plus, no one will take my shift tomorrow so I can go to FRWY, and it made me even grumpier. This will be two weeks in a row Iâ€™ve missedâ€¦
Today is Abbyâ€™s birthday and tomorrow is Mirandaâ€™s and I know Paigeâ€™s is sometime this weekend too. I want to give them all birthday hugs, but I guess Iâ€™ll have to wait and just be content with a blog birthday wish. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
At least my residents could make me smileâ€¦
Me: What can I get you to drink?
Lady: What do you got?
Me: Milk, water, juice, tea and coffee.
Lady: You got any beer?
Lady: Check the fridge will you, I feel like a cold one.
Funny man: How many days in a year?
Me: Um, let me thinkâ€¦365, and 366 in a leap year.
Funny man: Nope, just 7, they just keep reusing them over and overâ€¦
Wandering lady: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Me: No what?
Wandering lady: I wonâ€™t do it.
Wandering lady: Leave me alone or Iâ€™ll scream.I back away.
Wandering lady: Thatâ€™s right, I told you.
Confused man: Iâ€™m hungry
Me: okay, Iâ€™ll see what I can find.Confused man proceeds to pick up and throw anything he can findâ€¦
Me: That wonâ€™t make the food get to you any faster.
Confused man: At least itâ€™ll clear a place for it.Cute lady telling me her life story
Me: hey, my grandma was born in Manitoba too.
Cute lady: Whatâ€™s your name again dear?
Me: Itâ€™s Rachel.
Cute lady: Oh, I knew a Rachel out west, but not as pretty as you.I like her.
Hard of hearing woman: Hey, you know our waitress? (She means me)
Other girls at the table: Yeah?
Hard of hearing woman: Sheâ€™s going to be a nurse.
Other girl: Whatâ€™s she doing here?I interrupt.
Me: I love working here with you ladies.
Hard of hearing woman: Oh, good thing we didnâ€™t say anything bad about her, that one can hear!
Me: Eat up dear. You need to finish your dinner.
Confused lady: No!
Me: Why not, here try some potatoes.
Confused lady: Iâ€™m scared of them.
Confused lady:Theyâ€™ve got ears donâ€™t you knowâ€¦
My feet hurt
Friday, April 21, 2006
It was a long day at work. I need new shoes. Orâ€¦someone to rub my feet when I get home...Any volunteers? :)
Old man: Would you mind making that bed for me?
Me: Sure no problem.
Old man: Hey, I thought you were fatâ€¦but you have a nice figureâ€¦
Me: Uh, is that a compliment?
Old man: Well, I meant youâ€™re beautiful, not fat.
Me: Thank you.Lady is muttering to herself about the food quality
Me: Whatâ€™s wrong?
Lady: This lunch is disgusting.
Me: I think it looks fine.
Lady: Itâ€™s for the pigs. They should eat it.
Me: It looks delicious.
Lady: Youâ€™re a pig, arenâ€™t you, youâ€™d eat it, pig!
Cute lady: Hello?
Me: Yes dear, can I help you?
Cute lady: Yes, I have an apple here for the teacher.
Me: An apple for the teacher?
Cute lady: Yes, are you the teacher?
Me: No, but Iâ€™ll make sure she gets the appleâ€¦
Old man: Nurse.
Old man: This coffee is black, it needs milk
Me: Okay. I thought you took it blackâ€¦
Old man: No, I should throw it in your face.
Me: Um, no thanks, Iâ€™ll just get you some milk.
Old man: Oh, okay.
Me: Hey there, letâ€™s go, into the elevator.
Lady: No. I donâ€™t want to.
Me: Itâ€™s time to go upstairs.
Lady: You lead and Iâ€™ll follow.
Me: Okayâ€¦.[pauseâ€¦lady is still sitting there]
Me: Come on, itâ€™s time to go upstairs, last load.
Lady:â€¦.Ahhhh, stick it!
Me: Are you finished with your plate?
Grumpy man: Get the BLEEP away from me.
Me: Alrighty. Iâ€™ll get that plate laterGrumpy man growls.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
My grandma is an artist. When I went home for Easter she had this painting sitting on the bench. It was me, with Erin's super cool sunglasses. It's a picture from when we all went apple picking at Thanksgiving. What a cool grandma to make me such a beautiful present.
Nathan is a blog star
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Back at it
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Iâ€™m passing out the refreshments
Me: Would you like a drink?
Lady: No thank you
Me: Would you like a muffin?
Lady: Do you have the money?
Me: No, just juice and muffins.
Lady: Youâ€™re a damn cheat, thatâ€™s what you are.
Me: Iâ€™m sorry, hereâ€™s a muffin.
Old man wandering down the hall
Me: Where are you off to?
Old man: I canâ€™t find my wife; do you know where she is?
Me: No, I donâ€™t, but letâ€™s get you settled back in bed.
Old man: I am a horrible husband, I lost my wife.
Me: Hereâ€™s her picture. Sheâ€™s beautiful.
Old man: I know, but I canâ€™t find herâ€¦Itâ€™s awful when you lose your loved ones.
Funny old man: I had a dream about you last night.
Me: Uh, you did? [awkward]
Funny old man: Yup, you were there.
Me: Um, okay. Would you like some coffee?
Funny old man doesnâ€™t hear me and leavesâ€¦
Funny old man comes back a few minutes laterâ€¦
Funny old man: Here, will you be my Easter bunny?
Funny old man hands me a stuffed Easter bunny rabbit.
Me: Um, well, you keep your bunny and we can just be friends.
Funny old man: Hey thatâ€™s fine with me!
Old lady: No, I donâ€™t want that new girl to help. She knows nothing.
Me: Well how do you expect me to learn if you donâ€™t let me try?
Old lady: Well you can try on others, just not on me.
Me: Point taken.
Old man wandering down the hall again
Me: Can I help you with something?
Old man: I donâ€™t think so. Iâ€™m going to the bathroom.
Me: Well, itâ€™s back that wayâ€¦I point him in the right direction.
Old man: Well, you seem to know everything. Iâ€™m glad I met you.
Me: Thank you. Iâ€™m glad I met you too.
Confused old man: Can you pick that up for me? He points to his shoeâ€¦
Me: Pick what up?
Confused old man: The black package, itâ€™s for my brother.
Me: Um, itâ€™s your shoe.
Confused old man: Donâ€™t argue with me young lady, get my brother on the phone.
Me: Okay, Iâ€™ll pick it up for youâ€¦I pick up his footâ€¦
Confused old man: OUCH, thatâ€™s my foot, what the heck are you doing?
Funny lady: Hello dear.
Me: Hello, would you like something to drink?
Funny lady: Yes please.
Me: Here you goâ€¦
Funny lady: Thanks. Are you new here?
Me: Yes, I am. Relatively new.
Funny lady: I know, I could tell cause youâ€™ve got a smile on your face.
Back at work
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Funny lady: Whatâ€™s your name dear? (She asks me 5 times a day)
Me: Itâ€™s Rachel.
Funny lady: Mitchell?? Thatâ€™s an odd name for a girl.
Me: No, itâ€™s Rayâ€”chelâ€¦Rachel.
Funny lady: Okay Mitchell, whatever you say.
Nice man: Thank you so much dear, you are the sweetest.
Me: Is there anything else I can help you with sir?
Nice man: Iâ€™d really like a shave.
Me: sure, letâ€™s do that right now.I get everything set up, like the Gillette commercialsâ€¦
Nice man: Hey, youâ€™re a pro.
Me: Thanks, Iâ€™ve never done this beforeâ€¦
Nice man [now wide eyed and scared]
Uh, maybe you should get someone elseâ€¦
I bring a cute old man his lunch plate and he recites me a poem, something about peas and honey, how adorable. Watch out Nathan.
Me: How was your lunch sir?
Old man: Great.
Me: Can I take that plate away for you?
Old man: You can take me away with youâ€¦
Me: Good morning dear, time to wake up.
Tired Elderly lady: No.
Me: Itâ€™s almost breakfast; you donâ€™t want to miss out. I bet itâ€™s delicious
Tired Elderly lady: I bet itâ€™s crap.
Me: Oh no, come on now.
Tired Elderly lady: If you pull off my covers Iâ€™ll spit on youâ€¦I back awayâ€¦
Hard of hearing Man: Nurse, can you bring me my gotchees?
Me: Gotchees?? (no idea what heâ€™s talking about)I bring him his clothes for the dayâ€¦
Hard of hearing Man: No, my gotchees.I try again, I bring him his socks.
Hard of hearing Man: I want my damn gotchees, what are you deaf?
(Side bar- gotchees are underwearâ€¦in case you ever needed to know)
Iâ€™m a loser
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
So last night I was really tired from a long day. I actually fell asleep around 9pm. Iâ€™m in University and I went to bed before my parents. Goodness. I justified it with the knowledge that I would have to wake up for work at about 6am and I needed my sleep.
I get to work around 6:15 and work til about 8 when we realized I actually wasnâ€™t scheduled for today. I guess I wrote down the wrong day. What a loser I am. They like me I guess so they decided to pay me for the time and send me home. So here I am, at home at 8am when I should have been still in bed.
But the best part is that in the 2 hours or so I was there a few funny things happenedâ€¦I was in charge of pouring the juice for breakfast. I made sure everyone got what they needed and went to do the coffee rounds.
Lady: hey Nurse, my cup has a hole in the bottom.
Me: Really? Oh no.
Lady: Yes, I need some more juice.
Me: Sure thing, let me see that cup.
Lady: Here you go. Thank you.
Me: Heyâ€¦..inspecting the cupâ€¦
there is no hole here.
Lady: I know, but now Iâ€™ve got some more juice.
Man reaches out and grabs, not my arm, as I pass by in the hallway.
I look back astonished.
Funny old man looks at me with a goofy grin.
Funny old man passes gas quite loudly in the hallway.
Funny old man looks at me again and asks â€œwhat was that sound?â€�
Not bad for 2 hoursâ€¦.
Iâ€™m back at workâ€¦
Monday, April 10, 2006
Which means I have many more stories to share. Itâ€™s hilarious because I donâ€™t even have to try to get more material. I think some of these anecdotes from today might be my favourite ones yet, but you can let me know what you think.
Lady: Do you have a husband? (This is a very typical question)
Me: Nope. (For the thousandth time)
Lady: Well, do you have a boyfriend?
Lady: Oh good, thereâ€™s hope for you yet.
Me: Oh <<insert name>> youâ€™re such a dear!
Lady: Oh thank you.
Me: Youâ€™re welcome. Youâ€™re just so sweet.
Lady: Oh go on, now you just want a dollar.
Older gentleman: I can read minds.
Me: You can? What am I thinking?
Older gentleman: Well, tomorrow looks like it will be a gloomy day.
Me: No, it wonâ€™t, because Iâ€™ll be here.
Older gentleman: Yup, gloomy day.
Me: Woah, whatâ€™s going on over here? Youâ€™re all being so loud. Letâ€™s take it down a notch.
Lady, muttering: Iâ€™ll take you down a notch.
Me: Here, try a piece of your lunch. Itâ€™s good for you.
Lady: Oh no, I donâ€™t want it, I want to die.
Me: Oh that makes me sad.
Lady: 94 is too old. I just want to go. How do I die? Let me die.
Me: Iâ€™m sorry, I canâ€™t help you, but you donâ€™t have to eat anymore if you donâ€™t want to.
(heart breaking)Me lifting a lady up to put her into her wheelchairâ€¦
Lady: Oh, Lord, Help me!
Me: Heâ€™s here alright, no need to worry about that
Lady: Oh Lordâ€¦
Me: Youâ€™re fine dear, Heâ€™s here.
Lady: No he isnâ€™t, he only cares about himself.Lady trying desperately to go to the bathroom
Lady: Will you just sit with me dear, this might take awhileâ€¦
Me: Of course. No worries. Iâ€™ll be right here
Lady: Oh thank you, I hope you donâ€™t mind the smell.
Me: Itâ€™s okay, everybody poops.
Lady: Okay, stop talking, I have to concentrate.
Lady: Can you help me push?
Me: Uh, sure, how?
Lady: Push on my belly while I push, you knowâ€¦And my favourite of the dayâ€¦
Me: Okay dear, letâ€™s get you dressed and ready for the day.
Lady: I started myself.
Me: Great, letâ€™s just finish up and get you on your wayâ€¦curious expressions as I notice a weird shaped shirtâ€¦
Me: Hey, whatâ€™s that?
Lady: Oh, I tried to fill out my shirt.I pull out a roll of toilet paper and two padsâ€¦
Me: With these?
Lady: Yes, will you help me make it look better?
Me dying with laughter, on the inside of course, trying to explain that she looks beautiful just the way she isâ€¦
What a day. Hopefully itâ€™s this good tomorrow!!!
I'm a muffin.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
I would just like to say that tonight Sarah, my lovely Sarah, called me a muffin!
Now for those of you who donâ€™t know Sarah, this is a huge deal. Not only is this the BEST term of endearment from Sarah, but in a recent blog post
, she promised to stop over-using the term. So, Iâ€™m a true muffin! Sarah loves me. Itâ€™s a happy day when Iâ€™m a muffin.
Jesus the Traffic Cop???
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
I was reading the news and came across an interesting story.
It's about an ex-traffic cop living in Siberia in a remote place in the mountains 'Sun City' claming to be of divine nature. It's an interesting read...Follow the link here
to the Globe and Mail.