Saturday, April 22, 2006

I’m feeling grumpy today. It’s not fun to work when you’re feeling a bit under the weather. Plus, no one will take my shift tomorrow so I can go to FRWY, and it made me even grumpier. This will be two weeks in a row I’ve missed…
Today is Abby’s birthday and tomorrow is Miranda’s and I know Paige’s is sometime this weekend too. I want to give them all birthday hugs, but I guess I’ll have to wait and just be content with a blog birthday wish. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
At least my residents could make me smile…

Me: What can I get you to drink?
Lady: What do you got?
Me: Milk, water, juice, tea and coffee.
Lady: You got any beer?
Me: Nope.
Lady: Check the fridge will you, I feel like a cold one.

Funny man: How many days in a year?
Me: Um, let me think…365, and 366 in a leap year.
Funny man: Nope, just 7, they just keep reusing them over and over…

Me: No what?
Wandering lady: I won’t do it.
Me: huh?
Wandering lady: Leave me alone or I’ll scream.
I back away. Wandering lady: That’s right, I told you.

Confused man: I’m hungry
Me: okay, I’ll see what I can find.
Confused man proceeds to pick up and throw anything he can find…
Me: That won’t make the food get to you any faster.
Confused man: At least it’ll clear a place for it.

Cute lady telling me her life story.
Me: hey, my grandma was born in Manitoba too.
Cute lady: What’s your name again dear?
Me: It’s Rachel.
Cute lady: Oh, I knew a Rachel out west, but not as pretty as you.
I like her.

Hard of hearing woman: Hey, you know our waitress? (She means me)
Other girls at the table: Yeah?
Hard of hearing woman: She’s going to be a nurse.
Other girl: What’s she doing here?
I interrupt.
Me: I love working here with you ladies.
Hard of hearing woman: Oh, good thing we didn’t say anything bad about her, that one can hear!

Me: Eat up dear. You need to finish your dinner.
Confused lady: No!
Me: Why not, here try some potatoes.
Confused lady: I’m scared of them.
Me: Why?
Confused lady:They’ve got ears don’t you know…

posted by Rachel Pede @ 10:14 PM   4 comments

My feet hurt

Friday, April 21, 2006

It was a long day at work. I need new shoes. Or…someone to rub my feet when I get home...Any volunteers? :)

Old man: Would you mind making that bed for me?
Me: Sure no problem.
Old man: Hey, I thought you were fat…but you have a nice figure…
Me: Uh, is that a compliment?
Old man: Well, I meant you’re beautiful, not fat.
Me: Thank you.

Lady is muttering to herself about the food quality
Me: What’s wrong?
Lady: This lunch is disgusting.
Me: I think it looks fine.
Lady: It’s for the pigs. They should eat it.
Me: It looks delicious.
Lady: You’re a pig, aren’t you, you’d eat it, pig!

Cute lady: Hello?
Me: Yes dear, can I help you?
Cute lady: Yes, I have an apple here for the teacher.
Me: An apple for the teacher?
Cute lady: Yes, are you the teacher?
Me: No, but I’ll make sure she gets the apple…

Old man: Nurse.
Me: Yes?
Old man: This coffee is black, it needs milk
Me: Okay. I thought you took it black…
Old man: No, I should throw it in your face.
Me: Um, no thanks, I’ll just get you some milk.
Old man: Oh, okay.

Me: Hey there, let’s go, into the elevator.
Lady: No. I don’t want to.
Me: It’s time to go upstairs.
Lady: You lead and I’ll follow.
Me: Okay….[pause…lady is still sitting there]
Me: Come on, it’s time to go upstairs, last load.
Lady:….Ahhhh, stick it!

Me: Are you finished with your plate?
Grumpy man: Get the BLEEP away from me.
Me: Alrighty. I’ll get that plate later
Grumpy man growls.

posted by Rachel Pede @ 3:13 PM   2 comments


Thursday, April 20, 2006

My grandma is an artist. When I went home for Easter she had this painting sitting on the bench. It was me, with Erin's super cool sunglasses. It's a picture from when we all went apple picking at Thanksgiving. What a cool grandma to make me such a beautiful present.

posted by Rachel Pede @ 6:34 PM   5 comments

Nathan is a blog star

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


posted by Rachel Pede @ 1:03 AM   0 comments

Back at it

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I’m passing out the refreshments
Me: Would you like a drink?
Lady: No thank you
Me: Would you like a muffin?
Lady: Do you have the money?
Me: No, just juice and muffins.
Lady: You’re a damn cheat, that’s what you are.
Me: I’m sorry, here’s a muffin.

Old man wandering down the hall
Me: Where are you off to?
Old man: I can’t find my wife; do you know where she is?
Me: No, I don’t, but let’s get you settled back in bed.
Old man: I am a horrible husband, I lost my wife.
Me: Here’s her picture. She’s beautiful.
Old man: I know, but I can’t find her…It’s awful when you lose your loved ones.

Funny old man: I had a dream about you last night.
Me: Uh, you did? [awkward]
Funny old man: Yup, you were there.
Me: Um, okay. Would you like some coffee?
Funny old man doesn’t hear me and leaves…
Funny old man comes back a few minutes later…
Funny old man: Here, will you be my Easter bunny?
Funny old man hands me a stuffed Easter bunny rabbit.
Me: Um, well, you keep your bunny and we can just be friends.
Funny old man: Hey that’s fine with me!

Old lady: No, I don’t want that new girl to help. She knows nothing.
Me: Well how do you expect me to learn if you don’t let me try?
Old lady: Well you can try on others, just not on me.
Me: Point taken.

Old man wandering down the hall again
Me: Can I help you with something?
Old man: I don’t think so. I’m going to the bathroom.
Me: Well, it’s back that way…I point him in the right direction.
Old man: Well, you seem to know everything. I’m glad I met you.
Me: Thank you. I’m glad I met you too.

Confused old man: Can you pick that up for me? He points to his shoe…
Me: Pick what up?
Confused old man: The black package, it’s for my brother.
Me: Um, it’s your shoe.
Confused old man: Don’t argue with me young lady, get my brother on the phone.
Me: Okay, I’ll pick it up for you…I pick up his foot…
Confused old man: OUCH, that’s my foot, what the heck are you doing?

Funny lady: Hello dear.
Me: Hello, would you like something to drink?
Funny lady: Yes please.
Me: Here you go…
Funny lady: Thanks. Are you new here?
Me: Yes, I am. Relatively new.
Funny lady: I know, I could tell cause you’ve got a smile on your face.

posted by Rachel Pede @ 11:09 PM   2 comments

Back at work

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Funny lady: What’s your name dear? (She asks me 5 times a day)
Me: It’s Rachel.
Funny lady: Mitchell?? That’s an odd name for a girl.
Me: No, it’s Ray—chel…Rachel.
Funny lady: Okay Mitchell, whatever you say.

Nice man: Thank you so much dear, you are the sweetest.
Me: Is there anything else I can help you with sir?
Nice man: I’d really like a shave.
Me: sure, let’s do that right now.
I get everything set up, like the Gillette commercials…
Nice man: Hey, you’re a pro.
Me: Thanks, I’ve never done this before…
Nice man [now wide eyed and scared] Uh, maybe you should get someone else…

I bring a cute old man his lunch plate and he recites me a poem, something about peas and honey, how adorable. Watch out Nathan.

Me: How was your lunch sir?
Old man: Great.
Me: Can I take that plate away for you?
Old man: You can take me away with you…

Me: Good morning dear, time to wake up.
Tired Elderly lady: No.
Me: It’s almost breakfast; you don’t want to miss out. I bet it’s delicious
Tired Elderly lady: I bet it’s crap.
Me: Oh no, come on now.
Tired Elderly lady: If you pull off my covers I’ll spit on you…
I back away…

Hard of hearing Man: Nurse, can you bring me my gotchees?
Me: Gotchees?? (no idea what he’s talking about)
I bring him his clothes for the day…
Hard of hearing Man: No, my gotchees.
I try again, I bring him his socks.
Hard of hearing Man: I want my damn gotchees, what are you deaf?

(Side bar- gotchees are underwear…in case you ever needed to know)

posted by Rachel Pede @ 3:25 PM   7 comments

I’m a loser

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

So last night I was really tired from a long day. I actually fell asleep around 9pm. I’m in University and I went to bed before my parents. Goodness. I justified it with the knowledge that I would have to wake up for work at about 6am and I needed my sleep.

I get to work around 6:15 and work til about 8 when we realized I actually wasn’t scheduled for today. I guess I wrote down the wrong day. What a loser I am. They like me I guess so they decided to pay me for the time and send me home. So here I am, at home at 8am when I should have been still in bed.

But the best part is that in the 2 hours or so I was there a few funny things happened…

I was in charge of pouring the juice for breakfast. I made sure everyone got what they needed and went to do the coffee rounds.
Lady: hey Nurse, my cup has a hole in the bottom.
Me: Really? Oh no.
Lady: Yes, I need some more juice.
Me: Sure thing, let me see that cup.
Lady: Here you go. Thank you.
Me: Hey…..inspecting the cup…there is no hole here.
Lady: I know, but now I’ve got some more juice.

Man reaches out and grabs, not my arm, as I pass by in the hallway.
I look back astonished.
He waves.

Funny old man looks at me with a goofy grin.
Funny old man passes gas quite loudly in the hallway.
Funny old man looks at me again and asks “what was that sound?�

Not bad for 2 hours….

posted by Rachel Pede @ 8:09 AM   1 comments

I’m back at work…

Monday, April 10, 2006

Which means I have many more stories to share. It’s hilarious because I don’t even have to try to get more material. I think some of these anecdotes from today might be my favourite ones yet, but you can let me know what you think.

Lady: Do you have a husband?  (This is a very typical question)
Me: Nope. (For the thousandth time)
Lady: Well, do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yup.
Lady: Oh good, there’s hope for you yet.

Me: Oh <<insert name>> you’re such a dear!
Lady: Oh thank you.
Me: You’re welcome. You’re just so sweet.
Lady: Oh go on, now you just want a dollar.

Older gentleman: I can read minds.
Me: You can? What am I thinking?
Older gentleman: Well, tomorrow looks like it will be a gloomy day.
Me: No, it won’t, because I’ll be here.
Older gentleman: Yup, gloomy day.

Me: Woah, what’s going on over here? You’re all being so loud. Let’s take it down a notch.
Lady, muttering: I’ll take you down a notch.

Me: Here, try a piece of your lunch. It’s good for you.
Lady: Oh no, I don’t want it, I want to die.
Me: Oh that makes me sad.
Lady: 94 is too old. I just want to go. How do I die? Let me die.
Me: I’m sorry, I can’t help you, but you don’t have to eat anymore if you don’t want to.
(heart breaking)

Me lifting a lady up to put her into her wheelchair…
Lady: Oh, Lord, Help me!
Me: He’s here alright, no need to worry about that
Lady: Oh Lord…
Me: You’re fine dear, He’s here.
Lady: No he isn’t, he only cares about himself.

Lady trying desperately to go to the bathroom
Lady: Will you just sit with me dear, this might take awhile…
Me: Of course. No worries. I’ll be right here
Lady: Oh thank you, I hope you don’t mind the smell.
Me: It’s okay, everybody poops.
Lady: Okay, stop talking, I have to concentrate.

<<awhile later>>

Lady: Can you help me push?
Me: Uh, sure, how?
Lady: Push on my belly while I push, you know…

And my favourite of the day…

Me: Okay dear, let’s get you dressed and ready for the day.
Lady: I started myself.
Me: Great, let’s just finish up and get you on your way…curious expressions as I notice a weird shaped shirt…
Me: Hey, what’s that?
Lady: Oh, I tried to fill out my shirt.
I pull out a roll of toilet paper and two pads…
Me: With these?
Lady: Yes, will you help me make it look better?
Me dying with laughter, on the inside of course, trying to explain that she looks beautiful just the way she is…

What a day. Hopefully it’s this good tomorrow!!!

posted by Rachel Pede @ 2:50 PM   6 comments

I'm a muffin.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

I would just like to say that tonight Sarah, my lovely Sarah, called me a muffin!
Now for those of you who don’t know Sarah, this is a huge deal. Not only is this the BEST term of endearment from Sarah, but in a recent blog post, she promised to stop over-using the term. So, I’m a true muffin! Sarah loves me. It’s a happy day when I’m a muffin.

posted by Rachel Pede @ 12:48 AM   11 comments

Jesus the Traffic Cop???

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

I was reading the news and came across an interesting story.
It's about an ex-traffic cop living in Siberia in a remote place in the mountains 'Sun City' claming to be of divine nature. It's an interesting read...Follow the link here to the Globe and Mail.

posted by Rachel Pede @ 4:31 PM   2 comments