A FINE LINE
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
I was on campus walking up the steps to get to the 3rd floor of the student centre. The concrete steps are by no means a beautiful sight, but something about them caught my eye. As I was walking up to the second floor, one of the concrete walls screamed "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL" with black permanent marker graffiti. A self-esteem booster is always welcome, so I thanked the wall and continued up and on my way. The next flight of stairs had something to tell me as well. The next concrete wall yelled “YOU’RE ALIVE.” I breathed in deeply and thanked the wall for the reminder of how great it is to be alive. Feeling both alive and beautiful, I continued my climb. The last set of stairs before the top floor got to the point. The wall demanded something of me in return for the information it divulged to me. The concrete seemed to roar, bellow, shout…“QUESTION”!
I’m not sure who put the graffiti on the wall or what the purpose of it was, but it certainly sent a message to me. All of us are created to be special and unique. We are continually learning what it means to be more like the person we’re meant to be.
In the past I’ve felt like I had things all figured out. It was easier to accept everything you were taught at face value and then preach the same thing to others. It’s easy to feel confident in what you believe this way. For the last few years I’ve started to question, to wonder, to dream. To ask why and search for my own answers! To not be satisfied with a spoon-fed response and start to dig deeper.
At times this process is so frustrating because I often feel more confused and ignorant than when I started. It’s easy to feel lost in all the questions. However, I never want to be complacent, satisfied with the ordinary. Plus, the drab, concrete walls reminded me that I’m alive, I’m beautiful and it’s important to continue to question, to search, to seek out truth. Thank you walls for this reminder!
Upstairs and downstairs
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
People are constantly changing. Some people are changing for the better and others are changing for the worse. Some change might be stuck in process or yet to be labelled. Change can be something scary (especially if you’re a Baptist) or it can be refreshing, and sometimes change can just rock the boat.
As most of you know (especially those of you who helped) Erin and I recently moved into a new house, in a new area of Hamilton. Well, I guess it’s no longer recent, but during the summer, it was only Erin and I living here. Since the beginning of September it has been a whole new ball game. There are three others that we’re living with on a daily basis, two of which we lived with at the other house on Pearl street.
Now these are wonderful, lovely, caring girls, don’t get me wrong…but we just don’t seem to mesh. Erin and I mostly keep to ourselves, trying to fit each other into our busy schedules, while the others are inseparable. This is so drastically different from years previous where friendship seems so natural. Living on Pearl Street we dubbed ourselves the Pearl Girls and had a grand ole time. But this has recently become a thing of the past and it’s sad that this once natural friendship is now forced and awkward.
It’s weird how all of a sudden, a slight, gradual change in individuals becomes extremely evident.
My close friend Chris told me that she loves change because if she didn’t see evidence of it, how could she possible evaluate growth. She told me that she was recently thinking about how much we’ve all changed since first year, some more than others. She told me all the ways she thinks I’ve changed, and I had to agree. I know I’m continuing to grow and figure out who the heck I am and want to be in this world. It’s just a weird realization to face that change in people changes friendships. I guess with personal change comes interpersonal change? Meaning, as personal priorities and values are changing, this directly affects how you’re able to relate to others on a deeper level.
It’s just an awful feeling to feel constantly lonely in the place you’re living. To feel like a stranger to those you’re surrounded by on a daily basis. I don’t feel I have a home. How can you feel homeless when you’re writing this in a living room? I feel great once I leave and connect with friends and people who care, but this house is a gloomy place for me, despite Erin and my lovely room.
I’m learning the importance of friendship and the value of investing into other’s lives. I’m learning to let go, to realize that it’s okay to change and to not have to force relationships.
I’m learning what it feels like to be lonely.
I’m learning to grow despite all the negativity and continue to build relationships outside these walls, with anticipation of a future home.
What comes before Part B?
Thursday, October 12, 2006
More to come...
Friday, October 06, 2006
Nathan is 22 today!
He doesn't like birthdays but I looooove them, and so we will celebrate in style!!!
Happy Birthday to Emma tomorrow.
and a Happy Birthday countdown begins for my crazy sister who's been counting down her birthday since last October...21 days to go Danielle.
Hooray for birthdays.
The Engagement Story
Monday, October 02, 2006
Okay, so to avoid having to mass email out my story to all my friends, I'm just sending them a link to this post, sorry if you were there on Sunday or have heard this already.
lied. He told me that he would be stopping by for a visit around 10pm after Frwy
(my church service) and after Amazing Race. Needless to say, I didn't get to see Sunday's episode, and I couldn't be happier.
Melissa lied too. But it's okay, she was just lying for Nathan. She told me that she needed help with the kids downstairs in the Zone. I spent all church playing relay races and learning Bible verses. She really didn't need help, but that's okay. That gave Nathan time to show up at the Frwy. Not only Nathan, but all my family, his family and many special friends showed up to make it super special.
At 7:15, Erin Stanley came downstairs and threw Nathan's sweater over my head, I must say I was sneakingly suspicious that something was going on...
Erin and Melissa led me up the stairs as all the kids raced up to beat me. When I got upstairs, there was Nathan, sitting surrounded by all the children, reading them a story. Our story. Nathan made an amazing story book about us and read it to me (and the kids, and the 50 people or so there too) After the story was over Nathan asked me to marry him, and I didn't even give him a chance to get down on one knee before I leaped at him to say yes. YES!
Everyone there started to take pictures and celebrate with New Years horns, it was great. It was at that point that I hugged Erin and then realized that there were many more people to hug. What a great suprise. I'm so thankful alot of the people I love in the world were there to experience one of the best moments of my life.
Nathan's grandparents were even there from Florida!
I'm so excited today. I have a ring on my finger (which to honest, really means nothing to me, because I have the best fiance ever! FIANCE! Holy shoot...)
So everyone, make sure you keep May 5th open on your calendar. We're getting MARRIED.
I couldn't be happier.
HOW COULD I NOT BLOG ABOUT THE FACT THAT....
and I are ENGAGED!!!
It's funny because Nathan made me a story book for the big day, and I made him a scrapbook for his birthday this week. Crazy.
Keep your calendars open for May 5th, that's kinda what we're thinking for the wedding day. WEDDING!
Thanks to everyone who came down to Hamilton for the suprise.
Thanks for keeping it a suprise the whole week/month etc.
I'm so excited.