I’m back at work…

Monday, April 10, 2006

Which means I have many more stories to share. It’s hilarious because I don’t even have to try to get more material. I think some of these anecdotes from today might be my favourite ones yet, but you can let me know what you think.

Lady: Do you have a husband?  (This is a very typical question)
Me: Nope. (For the thousandth time)
Lady: Well, do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yup.
Lady: Oh good, there’s hope for you yet.

Me: Oh <<insert name>> you’re such a dear!
Lady: Oh thank you.
Me: You’re welcome. You’re just so sweet.
Lady: Oh go on, now you just want a dollar.

Older gentleman: I can read minds.
Me: You can? What am I thinking?
Older gentleman: Well, tomorrow looks like it will be a gloomy day.
Me: No, it won’t, because I’ll be here.
Older gentleman: Yup, gloomy day.

LOUD COMMOTION
Me: Woah, what’s going on over here? You’re all being so loud. Let’s take it down a notch.
Lady, muttering: I’ll take you down a notch.

Me: Here, try a piece of your lunch. It’s good for you.
Lady: Oh no, I don’t want it, I want to die.
Me: Oh that makes me sad.
Lady: 94 is too old. I just want to go. How do I die? Let me die.
Me: I’m sorry, I can’t help you, but you don’t have to eat anymore if you don’t want to.
(heart breaking)

Me lifting a lady up to put her into her wheelchair…
Lady: Oh, Lord, Help me!
Me: He’s here alright, no need to worry about that
Lady: Oh Lord…
Me: You’re fine dear, He’s here.
Lady: No he isn’t, he only cares about himself.

Lady trying desperately to go to the bathroom
Lady: Will you just sit with me dear, this might take awhile…
Me: Of course. No worries. I’ll be right here
Lady: Oh thank you, I hope you don’t mind the smell.
Me: It’s okay, everybody poops.
Lady: Okay, stop talking, I have to concentrate.

<<awhile later>>

Lady: Can you help me push?
Me: Uh, sure, how?
Lady: Push on my belly while I push, you know…

And my favourite of the day…

Me: Okay dear, let’s get you dressed and ready for the day.
Lady: I started myself.
Me: Great, let’s just finish up and get you on your way…curious expressions as I notice a weird shaped shirt…
Me: Hey, what’s that?
Lady: Oh, I tried to fill out my shirt.
I pull out a roll of toilet paper and two pads…
Me: With these?
Lady: Yes, will you help me make it look better?
Me dying with laughter, on the inside of course, trying to explain that she looks beautiful just the way she is…

What a day. Hopefully it’s this good tomorrow!!!





posted by Rachel Pede @ 2:50 PM   4 comments