more joe stories.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Me: Do you know where you live?
Old Lady: Of course.
Me: Okay, where do you live?
Old Lady: I don't know, you tell me.
Me: Alright, you should try to get some sleep, it's 2 in the morning.
Older Lady: What time is it?
Me: It's way to early to be up and about.
Older Lady: Well, you nurses should be in bed too, you know.
Me: I couldn't agree more.
Nurse: Hi, this is Rachel, she is orientating, she is going to be removing your art line.Patient's expression turns to one of immediate horror.
Me: Can you spell world?
Me: Can you try it for me out-loud?
Lady: Why don't you spell it first?
Me: Well, the test is for you...
Lady: You didn't tell me this was a test!
Lady: So are you a real nurse?
Me: Yes, I just graduated this year.
Lady: Oh, that's why you look nervous.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Flu season is upon us.
Influenza is an Italian word described by Hippocrates that means ‘influence of the cold’.
That means, the hospital has begun advertising it's Flu Clinics and urging those at risk to get their annual flu shot.
I hate flu shots.
I got mine today.
Make sure to take some Tylenol first.
But I guess it's worth a sore arm, cause I hate the flu more.
I recently was researching online and came across a WebMD article with a headline that stated something like: 15 places to avoid, to avoid the Flu this season.
I thought brilliant, I'll check it out.Here is the list:
1. Grocery carts
2. Elevator buttons
3. Your house (kitchen counter tops, cutting boards, toilet seats, cleaning rags, etc)
4. Escalator handrails
5. Coffee pot or mug handles
6. Workspaces (office phones, keyboards, desktops)
7. Public bathroom stalls
8. Sharing lunches with others
10. Traveling on airplanes
11. Doctor's neckties
12. Public transit
13. Doorknobs and all inanimate objects
14. Your nose
15. Shaking hands
So this year, don't get up to drink your morning cup of coffee, you'll definitely catch the flu.
Don't go into work.
Don't share with ANYONE.
Don't buy food.
Don't touch others, AT ALL.
Don't leave your home.
Wait, your home will surely infect you.
Don't touch ANYTHING.
And DON'T go to your doctor when you're sick.
They will just infect you.
So basically the article is scientifically proving that living gives you the flu.
Monday, November 05, 2007
I'm reading the book I bought Nathan for his birthday, Freakonomics.
It's awesome! He is starting to wonder who I bought the book for.
It's so good, I wanted to share what I am reading...
The book has three main underlying themes:1. Incentives are the cornerstone of modern life2. The conventional wisdom is often wrong3. Dramatic effects often have distant, even subtle causes
This short excerpt from the book, focuses on the first theme.
Freakonomics begins by asking readers to imagine the are managing a day care centre.
The policy clearly states that parents are to pick up their children by 5pm.
But parents are often late.
What should you do about this dilemma as manager?
Well, a pair of economists offered a solution. Fine the late parents.
Why should the day care centre take care of these kids for free?
The economists tested their solution by studying 10 day care centres.
The study lasted 20 weeks.
The fine was not implemented immediately.
For the first few weeks, the economists recorded data on the number of late pick ups.
On average, there were 8 late pick ups per week
, per centre.
In the fifth week of the study, the late fee was introduced.
Any parent arriving more than 10 minutes late, would be subject to the fee.
The fee was set at 3$ per incident.
After the fine was enacted what do you think happened?
Parents smartened up and picked their kids up on time?
In fact, it was the opposite.
Before long, there were as high as 20 late pick ups per week
, per centre.More than double the original average.
Economics is the study of incentives.
Incentives regulate responses, both positive and negative.
For example, if I score a goal in soccer, my dad will give me 5$, but if I don't clean my room, I get grounded for the weekend. My actions are now based on those financial and social incentives.
If an incentive is a means of urging people to do more of a good thing and less of a bad thing.
Why didn't this incentive work?
It is because there are three main categories of incentives: social, economic and moral.
The Freakonomics book goes into more detail here, that is worth the read...
In the case of the day care centre, the 3$ tax was too small for a financial incentive.
For that price, parents could afford to be late every day, paying only 60$ extra per month.
As far as baby sitting goes, that is pretty cheap.
But there is a second problem.
The economists substituted an economic incentive *the 3$ fine* for a moral incentive *the guilt parents are supposed to feel when they are late*
For just a few dollars each day, parents could buy away the guilt.
Furthermore, the small size of the fine gives the impression that late pick ups are not that big of an inconvenience in the first place.
In the seventeenth week of the study, the fee was eliminated.
However, the number of late pick ups remained consistent at 20 per week.
Now parents could arrive late, with no fee and feel no guilt.
There is more to come I am sure.
The next few chapters are entitled:What do school teachers and sumo wrestlers have in common?How is the Klu-Klux-Klan is like a group of real-estate agents?Why do drug dealers still live with their moms?What makes a parent perfect?
I'm excited to keep reading...
Nathan's Sleep-talking Rambles
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Nathan talks in his sleep.
It is so annoying.
I remember Margie telling me about how Pernell once (fully sleeping) rolled over and said "I just love my Jesus" or something to that affect. I laughed, cause it's Pernell, and it's funny...but I honestly had a hard time believing that people sleep talk to that extent.
Well, I should have NEVER doubted my friend Margie.
Because it's true.
Maybe it's just church planters? Or maybe it's just people who've got a lot on their minds? Or maybe there is no trend whatsoever...but Nathan is a sleep talker!
A serious sleep talker.
He can't stop.
He'll yell out.
I will, of course, try to get as much information as I can, while suppressing laughter, and then he'll fall back asleep and remember NOTHING in the morning.
Sometimes he doesn't believe me, so I'm thinking of trying to record him...
Here are some of his latest comments:
"Everyone should plant a church, it's awesome"
"Apples will save you time"
"I love corn chips, they just fill up my plate"
"Watch out Parker.
Natalie, you're going to shut Parker's fingers in the invention.
Watch out Parker, Watch out...(Parker is a 1 year old baby we know)
"Save my books. They are getting all wet. (I move the imaginary books out of the imaginary puddle)
Thanks babe.""We should work towards that. (I ask what that is) Sharing a car, with everyone."
"My bag is ruined!"
It's getting so bad, and I make fun of him so relentlessly that now he is starting to become more aware of it. He'll yell something out, and when I try to get more information from him, he'll just say, I can't tell you, you'll use it against me.
I'm writing them down because I'm sure I'll have more to add to the list sooner or later and they are too funny to forget.
I love sleep talking, even if it does keep me awake, it's totally worth it.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Me: Hello sir, I need you to take these pills for me please.
Older gentleman: Only if you marry me first.Breakfast
Me: Here is your breakfast tray.
Older man: How much do I owe you?
Me: Not a thing, it's free.
Older man: well what do you know!Lunch
Me: Alright, lunch time. Are you hungry?
Older man: A little, what is on the menu.
Me: Well, it's pretty much what is on this tray.
Older man: Oh, a set menu. Okay, what do I owe you?
Me: Nothing. It's 100% free.Dinner
Older man: Another free meal? You're boss must be out back. Next time I'll pay cash, dear.
Me answering a call bell..
Hello, what can I do for you?
Older lady: Hi dear, I'm actually looking for a nurse.
Me: well, my name is Rachel and I just happen to be one.
Older lady: That's impossible, you'd have to be at least 18.
Man: Can you take me home?
Me: I'm sorry I can't do that. You're not feeling well and you need to get better first.
Man: I'll pay you anything. Just hand me my wallet.
Woman: Hi, are you the new secretary.
Me: No, I'm a new nurse.
Woman: Wow, they're getting younger every year. You look twelve.
Older man: You're a rookie aren't you?
Me: What do you mean?
Older man: You're new, I can tell.
Me: You can?
Older man: Yeah, you answered the bell right away...
Lady: What kind of place is this anyway?
Me: Well, we're in a hospital.
Lady: Ha, a hospital? I felt worse since I've been here. And who are you?
Me: I'm your nurse for today
Lady: Oh god.
Poor Miss South Carolina
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I wonder if she thinks she nailed the question?
I bet she doesn't have a map.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
I JUST found out that I passed!
Today I am officially a REAL nurse...
No more worrying.
I can sign my name, Rachel Colquhoun, RN.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
So Nathan and I finally made it to Paris!I have been waiting my whole life to see the Eiffel Tower so needless to say I was pretty excited to arrive on Bastille Day (the French version of Independence Day)There were fireworks galore and it was like they were being conducted because the whole thing was set to music: from Moulin Rouge to James Bond themes. The whole thing was quite beautiful.I love Paris so far. It is everything I hoped it would be. Today we are going to Versailles for a picnic.Okay, now to my story.
So the a few points throughout the trip Nathan has been asking me for q-tips.
Whining and pleading.
Saying that he would not have enough and that his ears would get all gross.
He was really tugging on the heart strings.
Needless to say, I shared. Of course I did, what good wife wouldn't?
If anything to stop the whining.
Well today I find out that Nathan is a liar!
He has secretly been stashing the q-tips either that or not using the ones he brought to make sure he had enough for himself!
I was steaming mad. To think, my caring nature had been played by my selfish, greedy, ear-waxy husband. I promptly chased him around attempting to retrieve my lost q-tips.
To no avail.
He did end up sharing but only when he tried to tell me we had an even amount (4 each)...then I reminded him he would have NONE if I hadn't shared!
You know what was worse, he told me this was all part of his plan and then laughed at me when I caught on...(weeks later, I am a bit slow I guess, or hopelessly gullible)
Anyway, I am angry in Paris, sacrificing days without using my q-tips to save them until the trip's end, while Nathan revelled in his q-tip stealing scam!
Watch out for Nathan. I guess he is not as dirty as we all thought, or at least his ears are sparkling.
Places I have Paid to Pee
Thursday, June 28, 2007
* England (20 pence)
* Amsterdam (50 cents)
* Zurich (it was 2$ in the train station but only 50 outside in a private toilet building/box thing, seriously, it even self cleaned.)
* Vienna (80 cents)
* Salzburg (50 cents and they unlock the stall for you)
* Munich (can't remember how much, maybe 50cents)
* Venice (70 cents)
* Pisa (60 cents)
* Florence (70 cents)
Trains are free, so if you can hold it, you can just pee on the train...but sometimes you just can't wait.
Nathan and I figure we've spent about 7-8Euro so far just to pee.
Peeing is expensive in Europe.
Greece has been free so far...we'll keep you updated :)Note: Prices are per peeMoney is in Euros or in Switzerland it was CHF (more costly than CAD)
Happy Birthday to my Dad in Amsterdam!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Nathan has been blogging alot more than I have because the internet is so expensive.Day 7Day 5&6Day 4Day 1&2
I'm journalling most of my experiences on paper, so I'll be sure to post them when I get back or when I get a chance here.
Happy Birthday to my Dad!! He's 50 today and we can't be there to celebrate, but the second best place if not with him would be to be in Amsterdam. I'll be posting again soon.