Tales from the Nursing Home Part 2

Sunday, March 19, 2006

1st time one man rings his bell: Call a doctor, I’m dying.
Me: (sympathetic) what can I do for you?
Man: I’m dying. Call an ambulance.
Me: okay, I’ll do that right away.
2nd time he calls: Nurse, I’m dying.
Me: How about a drink of water?
Man: no, that stuff will kill you…
Me: actually it won’t considering your body is like 70% water
Man settles and takes a drink
49th time man rings call bell: Nurse, I’m dead.
Me: (no longer sympathetic) Funny how dead people can speak isn’t it?

Lady who won’t sleep: Nurse, I had 21 cents, did you see it?
Me: No I didn’t dear, where did you leave it?
Lady: I think those damn monkeys stole it again.

Lady in bed: SOMEBODY HELP ME….PLEASE!
Me: what seems to be the problem?
Lady in bed: I’m falling!
Me: No dear, you’re in bed. You’re safe, it’s okay.
Lady: I know I’m in bed, but I’m still falling, can’t you see that?
Me: No, you’re safe and you’re not falling.
Lady: Well fine, if you don’t get out of here I’m going to tell you where to go and how to get there.

Aggressive lady smacks me in the arm and then tries to scratch me to death for attempting to check her depends and then screams at me in an unknown language.

Lady who STILL won’t sleep: Nurse, I don’t want to go to my room alone.
Me: That’s alright, you can sit right here with me.
Lady: I’m tired nurse.
Me: Try to sleep dear, it’s late.
[Call bell rings and I leave to answer]
Lady is missing!!! (PANIC ATTACK)
Me frantically searching every room to find missing lady…
Lady is found cuddling in another bed thinking it was her own.
Lady is redirected to her bed and finally sleeps soundly.

(My favourite resident)
Me: okay, dear you’re all set now, I’m going to turn your light out so you can sleep tight.
Sweet lady: pause…thank you.
Me: oh, you’re welcome.
Sweet lady: What’s your name?
Me: It’s Rachel.
Sweet lady. I like you Rachel. Goodnight.

Sigh. What a night. Two nights. I’m tired!!!

posted by Rachel Pede @ 2:16 PM   5 comments