Line Up

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I lost my student card. Again. It's the second time I've lost it this month and it's not even October. September is the worst time to lose your student card because the line up at the Registrar's Office is insane. People with actual problems (time table conflicts, transcript requests, GO bus forms) need help. Let me tell you that they are NOT impressed waiting behind someone like me who can't seem to locate a simple student card, twice. So, this morning I decided to go really early, like 8:30am early, to make sure I could walk in, grab my student card and walk out. No line. No hassle.
I arrived right around 8:30 and was waiting for the office to open while talking to a friend when I heard someone swear. I turned around, wondering what the problem was... The girl looked at me and asked: "Did you know the Registrar's Office doesn't open til 10 today? What the *@!# is with that?" I told her I had no idea and that I was just as frustrated (although I used nicer words). I went for a walk...killing time. I walked around, pretty much in circles, singing to myself and checking my watch every five minutes, cause I guess I figured the more I checked it, the faster the time would go? :)
By the time I got back to the Registrar's Office it was about 9:15. The girl I met before was sitting beside the closed doors with a book. I thought she looked comfortable (and I wanted a spot in line) so I joined her. I opened up my own book but I was interrupted every few minutes when another student would arrive at the Office, probably for a lost student card, and get frustrated that they had to wait. 10 o'clock drew nearer. One thing I noticed was that everyone waiting for the Office to open wasn't waiting in the nicely formed queue. I wasn't stressing out or anything, but I was annoyed that people felt they were more important than my lost student card. I was starting to get road rage, in the line up. How ridiculous is that? But I guess waiting for like an hour and a half was taking its toll.
Ten o'clock, the doors open and some students walked right in and others followed formality and basic line protocol: the person in front of you gets to go first! I wondered at myself. I mean, I'm not excusing the lack of line etiquette, but my response wasn't exactly superior. Lining up, waiting is a part of life. Without order, things would just be chaotic. (Imagine 20 students all running in screaming for new student cards-not pretty.) But I realized how impatient I am today. How much I think my own needs above that of others. How I think I am soooooooo important, that my student card should be returned first. Yes, I did wait the longest...but I didn't even stop to consider anyone else. I wanted what I wanted and nothing was getting in my way. Not even a line. Lines are everywhere, to get on the bus, to buy groceries, to get student cards...next time I'm in a line; I'm going to let someone else go first. I need to learn how to wait in a line.

What Not to Wear

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Friday night. Most people are out partying, hanging out, having a great time with friends. I'm home, wrapped in a huge blanket and covered in kleenex, holding my mint tea: Sick. Not sick- cool like my friend Mike Raiger says...but I want to crawl into bed-sick. I hate being sick. I think maybe it's because I'm in nursing, and nurses do NOT make good patients. And I never get sick...but when I do, it's usually because I am too busy and stressed out. Getting sick in September can't be a good sign for the upcoming semester. Friday night I found myself all alone. Nicki and Kristen were away the weekend, and Erin was out at a concert. What was a sick girl to do? Well, I tried to do some homework, but I kept falling asleep...so I went downstairs and turned on the t.v. TLC to be exact. What Not to Wear. For those of you who don't know, this is a show were two fashion experts (Stacey and Clinton) walk up to some unsuspecting person they've secretly been stalking and tell them that they look horrendous. They proceed to make fun of all their clothes, throw it out, but then offer a 5000$ VISA to purchase new 'acceptable' clothing in return for the humiliation. I always feel bad for the people when they make fun of their wardrobe. I can't even think of what Stacey and Clinton would say about my hat collection. I think I would puke if they tried to make me throw them out. Or maybe I'd just take the VISA and run.
I started wondering what made these people fashion experts, did they go to fashion expert school, or are they just that cool that they can tell people what to wear, or in this case, what not to wear? It's true, the people on the show aren't the greatest dressers, but who cares? If they want to wear purple plaid with polka-dots, all the power to them. However, I think that what most people need isn't 5000$ (although I probably wouldn't complain) but a self-esteem boost. I bet I could make those people feel great about themselves after just a trip to Value Village and First Choice with some smiles and truthful complements about the beauty within. Let's face it, fashion comes and goes. Fads are just that, fads. Temporary. Heck, a few years ago boys thought it was hot to wear their pants down to their knees (some are still unfortunately caught in this fashion trend). Fashion changes so quickly it is hard to keep up, let alone become an expert and tell people what not to wear. It's true that I am often in need of a makeover. And while I would love the VISA worth 5000$, the makeover I am mostly in need of is a makeover within. Clothes and a new haircut would only cause a temporary change, fleeting happiness. I want more...

Cover Up

Sunday, September 11, 2005

When people visit our lovely house on Pearl Street here in Hamilton, they are usually surprised to discover the fact that there is only 1 bathroom for 4 girls. I must admit, we've never even noticed! It's never been a problem. I guess most girls spend a loooong time getting ready to go out of doors. Well, in our house, if we can get Erin to shower, it's a good day! (I love you Erin). I definitely wouldn't say that I'm the girl who takes forever to look presentable, but neither would I roll out of bed and just go to class, no matter how late had I stayed up chatting on msn the previous night. I don't even really wear make-up. Mostly because I don't know how to put it on and can't be bothered to learn, but still. This weekend, however, I was going to be meeting some new people and wanted to look my best. The problem was that I had a cold sore on my lip that stood out like the two guys in my nursing program. So, I did what any girl would do. I tried to cover it up and make it less noticeable. But the more I tried, the more I noticed it. The bigger it seemed. The larger it got. I swear it grew. By this point, I was getting quite frustrated. Goodness, the harder I tried to cover up my imperfection, the more frustrated I became. While staring into the mirror I realized how often I try to cover up daily. I constantly try to hide my spiritual blemishes; concealing them from the world. Perfection is an impossible standard and yet, it almost feels like an expectation. The fact is, I mess up each and everyday a thousand times over and spend more time trying to pretend I don't than trying to correct my actions. I'm tired of my spiritual cover-up. It's time I started being open and honest, allowing people to see me vulnerable. So, each day when I get up, and look in the mirror, I will be reminded to leave my cover up in the drawer and just be real. Just be me.

What is Love?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

A popular song by some one-hit wonder band asks the question: "What is love?" I know this because I secretly have Much Music Dance Mix '95 hidden away in my CD collection and sometimes I pull it out and listen to Total Eclipse of the Heart. I usually just skip over the other tracks and get right down to business, but today I skimmed the other titles. Along with the 'Macarena' and '1, 2, 3 Train with Me', is the song, 'What is Love'. I started thinking: What is love? This is something that I have been struggling with lately and I sat down today to really figure things out. Or, at least attempt to.
Lately, I have been on this vocabulary craze inspired by a friend. A word of the day. The definitions have been interesting to learn and attempting to use the words in a sentence fills me with frisson. So, I went on dictionary.com to see how love is defined...maybe not the best way to start, but I figured a literary definition couldn't hurt. Love is defined as: "a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness." I'm sure this is not the only definition, but that's what came up first. Still, this definition didn't satisfy me. I have a quote on my window that says "All you need is love" -John Lennon. This definition really didn't make me believe what John had to say, and so I continued to search deeper.

I'm sure a lot of you who know me probably think I turned in my Bible to the chapter they use at weddings because all it talks about is love: 1 Corinthians 13. I did just that. This chapter of love uses a completely different definition. I'm told that this Greek word for love that is used here talks about a "selfless concern for the welfare of others that is not called forth by any quality of lovableness in the person love, but is the product of a will to love in obedience to God's command."
1 Corinthians 13 goes on to describe this kind of love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares for others more than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always, "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of the truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Amazing stuff!

In the movie Saved, there is a scene where this â€˜Christianâ€™ girl yells "I am filled with Christian love" and then proceeds to throw her Bible at a friend. To this the friend replies, "This [the Bible] is not a weapon." This really hit me. So often I fail to â€˜loveâ€™ others around me the way 1 Corinthians 13 describes. I throw my Bible at them, rather than loving the way Jesus would have. Although, I am still struggling with how to define love, or I guess my interpretation of true loveâ€¦I feel okay with not having all the answers right now. I guess the main thing I realized through all this struggling, is that it is not the definition that is important. I just need to continue to a) Love God and b) Love others to the best of my ability, each day, everyday. Because love trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Day One

Saturday, September 03, 2005

The first day of my blog career and so the title: Day One. (Also the song that Erin plays to annoy the heck of us here at Pearl St. and so it seemed fitting. Sing on Sarah Slean. Just not on repeat.) To be honest, the only reason I decided to start typing instead of actually writing is to conform. And so here I sit, typing, another victim of peer pressure or assimilation, whatever term fits. I'm not really a writer, no, I'm not a writer...so don't expect anything extremely intellectual or profound. Just thoughts, ideas and questions that strike me. Hopefully this will actually be the start of something, and not just a fad that I get into and then drop when things get busy. We'll see...